Escrevi em inglês, postarei em inglês:

I was just watching The Killers video clip, “The World We Live In”, and the lyrics reminded me of something. They sing “this is the world that we live in, I feel myself get tired” and it got me thinking about how I used to feel towards it and how I feel now. I feel like I’m becoming a worse person, like I’m stopping to care. I don’t like it. Since I was very young I used to be mortified by the world around me – and I didn’t need to turn on the TV for that. Everywhere you go, on every corner your turn, there’s a homeless person, there are kids begging at the traffic lights, there’s misery and poverty and abandonment. The world we live in is just full of pariahs created by ourselves, the society that abandons them only to complain about our very own creations. We treat them like they don’t exist, we fear them out on the streets, we try to pretend there’s a wall separating their world from ours. They only exist to us on the 7 o’clock news and the politics conversations within the social network. We pretend to know the solution for poverty, for neglecting, for the economic crisis, for violence, for global warming and for everything that’s bad for us, and we never seem to do anything, we’re not genuinely worried, we don’t move a finger ‘cos we don’t have time, ‘cos it’s the governments task, ‘cos it’s too late – there’s always an excuse. We accommodate. We’re not offended. We’re not ashamed. We just go back to our everyday lives like nothing’s happening and whatever problem they’re having, it’s not with us. Yes, there is a division. There’s US and there’s THEM. And we can’t mix.

This used to sadden me, to infuriate, to uproar my spirit, to make me actually wanna do something. I couldn’t stand to look at those people out on the streets, so close to me, and know they didn’t have a home, no food, any basic cares that were so ordinary for me. “How on earth could anyone not care? How could everyone see it and not do a thing?” I thought. Despite of any other wishes I could have for my adult life, and I had many, I settled up a goal: somehow, I’d do something. I knew I couldn’t do much, I could heal the world alone. But I knew I had to figure out a way to do my share. I always thought I’d have to make some money first, of course, this world revolves around money. But as I grew up, I realized I could still do some small things around me, and I didn’t need to be an adult for that. I realized the small changes, the ones you accomplish every day, are the biggest victories. But I didn’t. I was alone, and I was mocked by people around me, so I kept my ideas for me. I am still. And that’s why I feel so bad.

To know I could’ve done something before, I can do something now, and I still don’t. And to feel his feeling of indignation fading from my spirit little by little. I’m not as moved by the kids at the traffic lights anymore. And I’m scared. I’m scared of becoming like everyone else, I’m scared of stop caring, I’m scared of becoming so used to it that it’s normal. ‘Cos I know it’s not. I’m scared of settling. I don’t wanna lose myself to this dying world.

28/06/09